Have you ever felt like something was missing in your friendships but couldn’t quite put your finger on it? Maybe you have plenty of people to grab coffee with but no one to call when life feels overwhelming. Or perhaps you have deep, long-term friendships but wish you had more casual connections for spontaneous plans.
This exact topic came up in one of our recent Talking Taboos event, and the conversation really stuck with us. After my team shared it with me, it made me realise just how many of us are navigating this same challenge, often without even recognising it. So, I decided to dig a little deeper – through research, personal reflection, and, of course, plenty of heart-to-hearts (especially through The Merit Club!). And here’s what I’ve found: understanding our own friendship needs can make a huge difference in how fulfilled we feel socially.
Friendships aren’t just about having people around – they’re about having the right people around. So, let’s break it down together, because friendship isn’t one-size-fits-all!
The Two Types of Friendships: Casual vs. Deep
1. Casual Friendships: The Easygoing Social Circle
Casual friends are the ones you meet for a quick coffee, a workout class, or a fun night out. These friendships are easygoing, low-pressure, and often based on shared interests or convenience. They add excitement, variety, and spontaneity to your social life without requiring deep emotional investment.
You might meet casual friends through work, at a networking event, or even at a yoga class. They’re the people you message when you want to grab a drink after work but might not necessarily turn to for emotional support. And that’s okay! Not every friendship needs to be soul-searching and intense to be valuable.
But here’s the catch: If you only have casual friendships, life can sometimes feel a little… surface-level. Fun, but maybe lacking real emotional depth.
Signs you might need more casual friendships:
You feel socially isolated but don’t always want heavy, deep conversations.
You want more spontaneous plans and social variety.
You’re new to a city or looking to expand your circle.
2. Deep Friendships: Your Inner Circle (and Yes, They Can Be Fun Too!)
Deep friendships are the ones that feel like home. These are the people who know your life story, who support you through highs and lows, and who you can be completely yourself with—messy emotions, big dreams, and all. These friendships take time and trust to build, but they’re often the most fulfilling.
And let’s be clear: deep friendships aren’t just about intense heart-to-hearts and emotional support. They can also be filled with fun, laughter, and ridiculous inside jokes. These are the friends you go on last-minute road trips with, have dance parties in your kitchen, and text memes to at 2 AM. Deep doesn’t have to mean serious all the time—it just means real.
These are the friends who text you just to check in, who celebrate your wins like they’re their own, and who show up when life gets hard. Deep friendships are about emotional intimacy—they’re rare, but they’re gold.
But what if you only have deep friendships? Well, sometimes that can feel a bit heavy. It’s great to have friends who understand your struggles, but sometimes you also just need someone to grab brunch with and talk about your latest Netflix obsession.
Signs you might need more deep friendships:
You have lots of social plans but still feel lonely.
You crave more meaningful conversations and emotional support.
You want to share your life’s ups and downs with people who truly understand you.
Finding the Right Balance
Most of us need a mix of both deep and casual friendships to feel truly connected. Too many casual friendships without deep connections can leave you feeling lonely, while too many deep friendships without casual ones might feel emotionally draining.
Think about your own friendships:
Do you have someone to call when you need support?
Do you have people to meet up with for fun, lighthearted activities?
Is there a gap in your social life that you’d like to fill?
How to Build the Friendships You Need
If You Want More Casual Friendships:
Join interest-based communities (like The Merit Club!) to meet like-minded women.
Say yes to social invitations, even if they’re outside your comfort zone.
Keep interactions light and fun—friendships don’t have to be deep to be valuable.
Be the one to initiate! If you want a more active social life, sometimes you have to make the first move.
If You Want More Deep Friendships:
Be intentional about opening up to people you already trust.
Invest time – deep friendships don’t happen overnight.
Show up consistently; meaningful connections are built on shared experiences and reliability.
Be vulnerable – real friendships happen when we let people see us beyond the surface.
Final Thoughts
Understanding your friendship needs is key to creating a social life that truly fulfills you. Whether you’re looking for casual connections, deep bonds, or a mix of both, recognising what you need is the first step.
At The Merit Club, I see so many women searching for connection, and it’s been amazing to witness how friendships – both casual and deep – can blossom when people are open to new experiences. It’s not just about meeting people; it’s about meeting the right people for you.
So, take a moment to reflect: What kind of friendships do you need more of in your life? And what small step can you take today to nurture them?
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